Man’s Best Friend

Dogs are stupid and cats are not. That’s the truth of the matter and we might as well face facts. Mankind has chosen as his companion the dumbest of the dumb; the animal kingdom’s prince of fools – the dog.

If you throw a stick , a dog will gallop after it and return it to you. You can throw the stick in the river and the dog will dutifully retrieve it. There is even a breed of dog called the Golden Retreiver. You throw it. They get it.

Cats on the other hand (or paw) are just the opposite. If you throw a stick for a cat, all that will happen is a lazy and mildly curious smirk that seems to say “You threw it. You fetch it”.

Any child can understand what Pavlov’s dogs teach us. But Schroedinger’s cat perplexes even the most diligent students of physics and philosophy. Furthermore, you could never convince 8 cats to pull you through the snow to the North Pole.

The Egyptians worshipped cats. “Bast” the daughter of Ra was a cat and the Roman goddess Diana often appeared in feline form. The best dogs can do are Lassie and Rin Tin Tin.

A man who cheats is called “a dirty dog”. A spiteful woman is a “bitch”. Sergeant Majors “bark” but seductresses “purr”. If you don’t want problems, it is best to “let sleeping dogs lie”.

When times are hard we say ” it’s a dog’s life”. If your partner is not talking to you, you are ” in the dog house”. Cats are blessed with 9 lives and someone who is happy is “like a cat who got the cream”.

Nature never lies. Look at the domesticated dog’s cousins and what do you get? Wolves, dingoes and hyenas. Ugly scavengers with foolish names.

But look at the feline. Her family boasts none other than the King of the Jungle, the mighty Lion. Not to mention the sleek panther, the lithe leopard and, largest of all, the tiger which was used as a metaphor for all that is awesome by English poet William Blake.

There is no competition. Can you imagine a successful musical called “Dogs”? Can you imagine the divine Michelle Pfeiffer interpreting “Dogwoman”?

Cats are clean and dogs are dirty. You return from the supermarket and your dog thinks you are the greatest hunter ever. Your bowser thinks you are Napoleon, Rambo, Einstein, the Queen of Sheba, Shakepeare, Ronaldo, Mother Theresa and Madame Curie.

Your cat knows the truth. Dogs are barking mad. Cats are purrrrfect.

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