Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Macho Man!

‘Macho’ in English does not refer to the male of a species. It refers to a human male with very specific characteristics. You probably know someone just like him.

Macho Man (homo hooliganus) thinks that throwing a plastic bottle full of beer on to a football pitch is a legitimate form of protest against an unspeakable injustice. Not for him the complications of The United Nations or the corridors of power. For Macho Man there is no deeper human tragedy than having a goal disallowed or having a penalty awarded against his team.

Macho Man (homo alcolikus) thinks that testosterone is made of beer and has to be filled up in the same way as petrol in his car has to be filled up. 7 pints a night keep this ‘He-Man’ in top form. Serious testosterone deficiency can make Macho Man drink a shot of brandy on his way to work. Especially if he is a bus driver.

Macho Man (homo ridiculus) does not wear protective clothing at work. To wear ear-plugs while using loud machinery or a hard-hat on a building site is a sign of weakness. Only a wimp (homo debilus)
worries about premature deafness or bricks falling on his head. You never see old Macho Men.

Macho Man (homo incredibulus stupidus) thinks that women adore him (especially when he drinks) and that he is a terrific lover (especially when he drinks). The proven cause and effect of alcohol on one’s prowess in the amorous arts is not understood by Macho Man.

Macho Man (homo cerebrus minusculus) thinks that Lethal Weapon is a documentary. To him Chuck Norris is one of America’s finest actors. The less physically able a Macho Man is to perform a karate move (see photo), the more he believes himself to be the spiritual successor to Bruce Lee – although as a rule Macho Man does not approve of foreigners.

Macho Man (homo molestus un montonus) believes that owning dangerous dogs such as pit bull terriers and dobermans makes people respect him. People, of course, respect the dogs. Or the dogs’ ability to rearrange their faces.

Macho Man (homo anachronistus) will, like the other dinosaurs, disappear. And good riddance! Macho Man is exactly the kind of ape who gives ordinary men a bad name.

I’m not saying we, the men, should all walk around reading poetry and crying when we watch ‘reality’ shows. Football is fantastic. A goal by Nihat is a joy forever. Forever for 90 minutes. It is, after all, only a game. Nothing to get too emotional about.

Women don’t really need men and men don’t really need women. So all that Macho Man nonsense is wasted really. The future doesn’t need meek women or overbearing men.
Let Macho Man (homo que ascus) walk into the sunset with his pit bull and pints, with his bigotry and beer-belly.

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